Obtaining Medic Achievements

So, after aabicus’s article about writing about something randomly chosen by the TF2 wiki, I’m going to do the same thing, minus the snazzy gif that aabicus used. Because I’m lazy and can’t be bothered to install anything that will record my screen for like three seconds. Unlike everyone else, I can access the TF2 wiki by typing !tf2 into my search bar, alongside any term I want. Pretty damn useful. Anyway, today’s randomly chosen subject is “obtaining Medic achievements” in Russian.

You won’t find anything x-rated in MY bookmarks!

That’s a good thing, because I’ve wanted to talk about achievements for a while. Fun fact, the only group of achievements I have all of are the Medic achievements, I have all 39 of the original ones. My first achievement was Midwife Crisis, where you have to heal an Engineer as he repairs his sentry, swiftly followed by Quadruple Bypass. The fact that I’ve only ever completed this one group of achievements and no other isn’t a coincidence. Not long later, when I was getting into the swing of playing Medic but still calling myself Phovos, I ended up in a race with the person who introduced me to Medicing as to who could get all the achievements first. We both got stuck on the same few until I somehow got the last two on a Junction server in May 2011. But by then we’d kinda dropped the race since she was no longer interested in Medic and much more interested in Sniper.

Look, my name there says Retvik. Not Medic. *glares at all of you who call me Medic no matter what*

Really though, having all these achievements is quite impressive. Medic achievements for the most part are somewhat easy to obtain, but there’s a couple of really hard ones thrown in there, some of which do throw you out of what Medics are supposed to do. Using your bone saw to kill a Spy calling for Medic is somewhat average for a Medic achievement. Hitting people 5 times without missing is downright suicidal unless you’re playing against enemies weak enough to Uberchain. The achievement Peer Review, which asks you to get 10 Medic kills with your bone saw is equally stupid.

The achievement You’ll Feel a Little Prick is insanely hard, since Scouts move faster than Medics. Today, with the Quick-Fix and the Crit-a-Cola, this achievement is much easier, but I completed this in the days when the Quick-Fix didn’t exist and the only weapons I had were the Kritzkrieg and the Medi Gun, and the Crossbow was still a very new weapon. I got lucky and the Kritzrkieg managed to help me get that achievement, but most of the time a Scout will run out of range.

The Blunt Trauma achievement is pretty hard to do as well, but since you only need to punch people, it’s not a problem. The issue is more that you should only be punching people if you’re totally out of ammo as a Heavy or just ate a large piece of raw steak.

The hardest one though is probably Medical Breakthrough. To get this one, you need to Ubercharge a Demoman and help him take out 5 buildings in that time. 8 seconds to destroy 5 buildings sounds simple in concept, but the smarter your enemies are, the quicker this achievement spirals out of possibility. As I mentioned earlier, I got this one on Junction when I was a newer player, but Junction is one of those maps which is filled with players and geometry that allow you to do that. Even then, Medical Breakthrough is still really hard to get since there will almost always be sentries fighting back. Since the achievement requires 5 buildings, you need to have a minimum of two Engineers around building their sentries, dispensers and teleporter exits (and teleporter entrances if they’re really insane) together, or three engineers building their sentries and dispensers together.

Thank heavens that Valve lowered the number of achievements needed to get the Ubersaw. Needing all 39 of these would have been nearly impossible back when these achievements were released, since no one else had unlockables and EVERYONE was running around playing Medic and trying to unlock these three new items. I wish I was playing TF2 at the time, I’d love to have seen servers after the Gold Rush update.

Unfortunately for the wiki page itself, it’s a little out of date, often suggesting the use of the Blutsauger. But it’s mostly still accurate.


Also known as Doctor Retvik Von Schreibtviel, Medic writes 50% of all the articles on the Daily SPUF. A dedicated Medic main in Team Fortress 2 and an avid speedster in Warframe, Medic has the unique skill of writing 500 words about very little in a very short space of time.

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