Medic, Oh Medic, Please Rescue Me

Medic, oh Medic, please rescue me

I don’t like it here; I long to be free

Medic, oh Medic, will you not save me?

Save me from his antics (and misery)


Medic, oh Medic, am I forgotten

As I’m right next to a heart quite rotten?

Medic, oh Medic, I hate it in here

His brain is just full of chicken and fear


Medic, oh Medic, how he tires me

Despite warning, he dies to a sentry

Medic, oh Medic, tell him not to taunt

When he kills spies whose Dead Ringers they flaunt


Medic, oh Medic, will he ever learn?

By taking teles, his team’s ire he’ll earn

Medic, oh Medic, please tell him to cap

He’s either at spawn, or lost on the map


But, oh Medic, there’s a way to save me

Gib him with an explosive – or two, or three

Medic, oh Medic, please destroy the Scout

Lewd Miss Pauling thoughts, I can live without


Medic, oh Medic, please rescue me

I don’t like it here; I long to be free

Medic, oh Medic, do hear me out, please

Signed by your faithful friend, Archimedes



Save Archimedes! Gib a Scout today!


Fun fact, if you gib a Scout, there’s a chance that a dove might escape and fly away, a reference to the end of Meet the Medic, where Scout gets his Uber Heart with Archimedes still inside him. Also, before the Uber Update, stationary doves appeared across several maps in various locations, which would explode but deal no damage if shot or damaged in any way.


Hi! I'm DC. I generally like playing support, but I kinda have a tendency to troll around. When I'm not playing TF2 or lying in Town of Salem, I'm probably micromanaging cities and/or traversing dungeons. Check out more of my writings at or tweet me at @geekyDC.

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