I ought to write something about the Heavy Weapons Guy…

I OUGHT to write something about Heavy. I really ought to. I mean, I’m Medic. If we go by stereotypes, I’m supposed to be attached to a Heavy all day, every day. I’m not though, because I value being a skilled healer with a hint of reputation.

The Heavy Weapons Guy though is the face of Team Fortress 2. He embodies the soul of the damn game. Silly and childish yet dangerous and deadly at the same time. Even more so when you run around a corner only to walk into a spun-up Heavy or find yourself in the middle of a Heavy Boxing Match. Okay, the latter isn’t very common, but it does happen…

Anyway, why aren’t we talking about the Heavy? Well, some would say that it’s because Heavies are dumb, that ‘anyone can play Heavy’. That’s rather unfair though. No animals can play Heavy and I have seen a huge number of humans fall to my syringes, flames or rockets. Yes, Heavy is easy to play, but most of the time, they die just like anyone else.

But here’s a thought for you. Would Team Fortress 2 have been as successful if Heavy wasn’t the poster boy for it? Possibly, but are any of the other mercenaries friendly and cuddle-able while also being menacing and looking like they’re having fun? Not really. Spy, Scout and Sniper give awful hugs, Demoman is permanently drunk, Soldier is bloody insane and Engineer’s too short. No one would want me on the cover because I’m the healer. No one wants to be the healer in a class-based shooter if it’s their first time playing. Plus, everyone thinks I’m evil. I’m not, I swear!

“Wait, you forgot Pyro!” Yeah, I did that on purpose. He’s got a restraining order against me, based on what I was going to write in that previous paragraph. I can still heal him but that’s it.

I do wonder, though, maybe it’s just bias? Maybe we’re all jealous of Heavy’s success. He’s starred in two other games (Poker Night at the Inventory and Sonic Racing All Stars) and has appeared or been referenced in a few more. Nah, that’s me being silly. Pyro’s also starred in a couple of games and we’ve all appeared in Worms Reloaded.

Perhaps the real reason there’s not a lot of Heavy on the Daily SPUF is because it’s mostly run by Medics?

We all know how infuriating it is, burning to death while watching some dumb Heavy nom his sandvich…