It must get boring being the Medic sometimes. Especially during times of peace. You’re stuck there with 8 other men, many of whom are often sweaty, stupid or both. It’s not fun. You could be at home with your wife. Instead you have to babysit a bunch of morons because Engineer’s working for the Administrator and Spy’s a prissy little bitch who you want to punch repeatedly. What can you do? Not much, really. You’ve got to stick around because no one else is going to hire you. Well, apart from the Team Fortress Classic team, but that’s beside the point. What do you do instead? You break into Engineer’s garage and steal his Multi-Dimensional Parallel Pocket Location Accessor. Also known as a device that allows me to travel to other universes. Or not, since no such device exists.
So, after that incredibly pointless introduction, here’s a list of people who I think would have a great time partying (and torturing) with Medic. You’ll probably guess most of them.
If the Engineer and the Medic somehow had a child and sent it about 700 years into the future (or how ever many years in the future the Borderlands series is set) or something like that, Dr. Zed would be the final product. A bloke obsessed with science and biology, filled to the brim with intelligence and shields, sporting a little Texan accent, if he was gay, Dr. Zed would fall for Medic immediately. But he’s not gay (and nor is Medic, as far as we know), so we can be content with them spending many hours stabbing psychos to see how much blood they can extract from them before they die.
Anyone who works in the labs for Black Mesa
Apart from being insane and slightly creepy, Medic doesn’t have that much of a personality. Everything he does, he does it out of curiosity and his desire to learn. That’s pretty much it. So throw Medic into a lab with a bunch of Black Mesa scientists and everyone will be as happy as Larry. Medic would also be the center of attention at the canteen, telling amusing stories of how he stole people’s skeletons and stuff.
Assuming that Vel’Koz doesn’t just disintegrate Medic like he does with most things, the Eye of the Void could probably learn a lot from the Medic and the Medic from him. Think about it. How does Vel’Koz learn things? By disintegrating things with lasers. How does Medic learn things? By sticking needles into things. They’re both curious little fellows, even if one of them is a giant armored eyeball with tentacles. Other compatible beings from Runeterra include Singed and Viktor, but Viktor would probably enjoy Engineer’s company more, what with his insistence on his ‘glorious’ revolution and turning everyone into robots. Singed would be alright, but he’s got a bit of a gas-them-all vibe about him and I don’t know how Medic would feel about that. Jayce is a douche, so forget him.
But only for a few picoseconds. That neurotoxin works incredibly quickly, you know.
Not the TFC Medic
Literally the one person who would want to instantly punch the TF2 Medic in the face. Not only do these two Medics play completely different roles, but the other Classic Mercs have clearly ditched their flag-running doctor and replaced them with someone who just wants to fill people with organs that don’t belong. I’m still waiting for a major dust-up between Medic and Medic. It’d be awesome.
Anyone voiced by Robin Atkin Downes
For obvious reasons.
Anyone else vaguely interested in science and desperate to just cut things open to fulfill their morbid curiosity
Unfortunately, a lot of these sorts of people are considered evil. Medic’s probably quite evil too, depending on how you look at things and whether you consider him to be a former Nazi or not.
There’s LOADS of people Medic could be friends with. But it’s just tricky going out and finding them. Maybe hanging around with the other mercs isn’t so bad after all…
Fun fact: this article took nearly 7 months to write. Curse you, writer’s block.