Couldn’t care less…

I could not care less about weapon skins. No, really. I never bought into the Gun Mettle contract because I have shit luck and, even if I bought into it straight away, I would have only made a few Steam bucks rather than any actual real money. Pretty much everything because worthless within three or four weeks, unless you happened to get a decent strange or an unusual weapon, and even just strange ones are pretty damn uncommon. Yes, you can trade up your weapons, but the damage had already been done.

What for though? Medic weapon skins are all to a one hideous. Not to mention the fact that you kinda go and break your arm if you go to inspect your hideously painted Medi Gun. Even more so when most of the time one will receive a battered old pile of crap. My normal Medi Gun is well looked after.

I mean, seriously, look at this monstrosity.
I mean, seriously, look at this monstrosity.

Then there’s the contracts themselves. I could not care less about the contracts.

“Medic. Pauling here. Take the gloves off for this one. Actually keep the gloves on. That might get messy.”

Except they won’t get messy. The contracts for Medic are really fucking simple. They are all things that you should be doing as a Medic anyway. And the normal contract is so simple, it’s literally Score A Point As A Medic. Which can be done so easily, since you get points for healing, assists, Ubers, everything. Medics topping scoreboards is a common occurrence because it is so easy to get points as a Medic. Things never actually get messy unless I get blown up by a random crit or something.

It gets worse though. I really could not care at all about these damn things. Contracts for any other class work with the majority of weapons. Engineer has a sentry contract? He can use the Gunslinger if he pleases. The only thing not counted in Pyro’s reflection contracts (why is that a contract anyway?) is a laser blast from the Cow Mangler 5000, as well as all the normal stuff that Pyros can’t reflect anyway. But me? I have no choice but to use the Medi Gun. Using the Kritzkrieg, Quikc-Fix or Vaccinator will not count in any way towards the ‘advanced’ parts of a Medic contract.

Thematically though, I still could not care less about weapon skins. I have no need for them. I have ALWAYS made or modified my own stuff. Not like Engineer, who basically bought (Wrench, base buildings), inherited (Level 2-3 dispensers and teleporters) or found (Pomson, Eureka Effect)  half his shit. The only things I DO buy are my upgrades for MvM, and that is only done to make sense and explain as to why we don’t have these things in normal gameplay. I more than anyone don’t care about appearance, I only care about my experiments and my own morbid curiosities. And my birds. Yes, sure, I’ll go and use a decorated weapon if I can’t get my normal Medi Gun, but that’s a needs-must thing.

Woo. Look at me with my scarred Medi Gun that I haven't really been looking after. This is way better than a gold, festive or botkiller Medi Gun. /sarcasm
Woo. Look at me with my scarred Medi Gun that I haven’t really been looking after. This is way better than a gold, festive or botkiller Medi Gun. /sarcasm

I couldn’t care less about Gun Mettle either. I mean, most of the balance changes were okay, but the Vaccinator is still in need of fixing, and my competitive weapon choices consist of nothing but the Crossbow and the Ubersaw, due to balance issues among most of my equipment, or Crossbow and Vita-Saw if everything is allowed. Alright, Engineer was nerfed, but he deserved it. The new weapon pick-up addition means death for any Medic is even more of a horrific thing, due to Ubercharge being kept, which makes the whole game revolve around Medics even more.

And really, after all of this, I don’t even care about Miss Pauling.

“Nobody’s crazy enough to do this but you, doctor.”

Gee, thanks. Not to mention all the whispers I hear behind my back. The claims that you make saying that most of us can’t read. You know that’s not true. Stop claiming that Engineer is the only smart mercenary around here. I’ll be honest, I’ll only do these contracts because I have nothing better to do. Oh wait, I don’t do them. Because these contracts are stupidly simple. But I’d be able to get way more of these contracts done quicker IF I WAS ALLOWED TO USE ANY MEDI GUN I LIKED.

“I’ll give you this, Medic. You get results.”

Of course I do, Miss Pauling. Of course I do. I’ve only been working with you for, what, 8 years now?

So yes, basically, I could not care less about anything from Gun Mettle.

Thank you Davjo for the orange decorated Medi Gun picture and Killbuster for the decorated Medi Gun used in the featured image, as well as suggesting the idea.


Also known as Doctor Retvik Von Schreibtviel, Medic writes 50% of all the articles on the Daily SPUF. A dedicated Medic main in Team Fortress 2 and an avid speedster in Warframe, Medic has the unique skill of writing 500 words about very little in a very short space of time.

2 thoughts on “Couldn’t care less…

  • September 15, 2015 at 3:43 pm

    How about the four new maps (or the Kazotsky Kick, for that matter)? You talked skins, contracts, and weapon rebalancing, but the maps have been a massive part of the free-to-play Gun Mettle experience.

  • September 16, 2015 at 1:27 am

    I agree with you about 99.99% of decorated weapons, with the sole exception of this one. I would use the crap out of that thing.


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