A Bonus Unlikely Story – The Scared Excalibur

“An Equinox, an Ivara and a newbie Excalibur head to a bar!” the black and red Ash grinned as he dropped down from an unprotected vent. “Well, the other two bullet jump in, the Excalibur just walks…” “Don’t make fun of the newbie,” the equally edgy black and red Ivara tutted. “Not his fault he’s literally just escaped from Vor’s influence.” “Well, he’s only going to hold us back!” Ash’s mood dropped. “This is a spy mission after all! A Spy mission on a Grineer ship of all things. Isn’t the place for a newbie Excalibur!” Again, Ivara tutted. “We’re… [Continue Reading]

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A Series of Unlikely Gaming Stories 7 – The Smissmas Soldier

They’d been at this custom Mann VS Machine mission for an hour now. A Heavy, a Scout, a Medic, a Demoman and an Engineer. A pretty standard team, to be honest. The problem was, they were missing a sixth player, and the lack of that extra damage output was really screwing things over. There just weren’t enough of them to defeat all those giant Soldiers and their Uber Medics, while also staying alive. The more they tried and failed, the more frustrated the team got. Now they were all an inch away from arguing properly and turning their weapons on… [Continue Reading]

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A Series of Unlikely Gaming Stories 6 – The Jetpack

The match had been going on for about fifteen minutes now. This may have been the inferior Playstation version of Worms: Armageddon, but since there had been a huge abundance of health kits and everyone’s worms had started with 200 health each, the game had been going rather slow. And of course, this particular game scheme didn’t have the poison effect or everyone dropping to one health when reaching the time limit. No, this scheme’s sudden death was just a bit of flooding. On a map with lots of high land, that wasn’t really a threat. Then again, there were… [Continue Reading]

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A Series of Unlikely Gaming Stories 5 – A Missing Dragon

There I was, just trying to cross the border into Skyrim, when I managed to get caught in some sort of war zone. I’m not an idiot, I immediately surrendered. Alright, I know, I know, I shouldn’t have been crossing the border as I was, but how was I supposed to know that this normally empty area was going to be full of soldiers? I was just trying to get back home to the last of my family in Whiterun for the winter holiday! Honestly, the path was open literally a week ago anyway! Now I was going to be… [Continue Reading]

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A Series of Unlikely Gaming Stories 4 – The Random Saint

Ya know, that sorta weird thing that randomly happens? Just outta the blue? Like god giving you a sign and you don’t know what t’do with it? I think I mighta had one of them moments. Well, more like a few hours. You’ll get what I mean. I gotta explain it all. So I was just, you know, doing the rounds. Having fun. Being me. Running around, letting the Steelport wind blow me tits around. It’s a shitty little island metropolis but I like doing me job with fuck all on. I was in the middle’a beating some Morningstar cunt… [Continue Reading]

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A Series of Unlikely Gaming Stories 3 – The Shielded Volt

“What is wrong, sir? You look glum today! Was your mission not a success?” Ordis asked as the Operator returned to his ship, wearing his Rhino Warframe, laced in elegant Orokin gold. “I thought Lotus was pleased with your work!” “It’s… nothing…” the Operator sighed. “Just… nothing…” “Clearly it is something!” Ordis protested. “Please, Operator, let Ordis help you! Ordis is always happy to serve!” The Operator tutted, then sat himself in front of his Codex, browsing the data he’d discovered about Grineer. “Since when did the Grineer have Nullifiers over their Formorian cores? Was that a new thing? I… [Continue Reading]

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A Series of Unlikely Gaming Stories 1 – The Lost Heavy

So I started playing Team Fortress 2 when the Free to Play update came out. I was never someone to just jump in to whatever everyone else was doing, I was always the guy who goes to random servers and messes around in their own way. I’d played a handful of maps already, a CP map and an obvious CTF map. And I played 2fort as well. There were tons of other, different server types, from ‘achievement’ servers to ‘vsh’ maps that I later found out stood for “Versus Saxton Hale”. One map type stood out. It was called surf_something… [Continue Reading]

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Seven Stories for Smissmas

Ah, alliteration, don’t you love it? Well I do. There’s something nice about how words all starting with the same letter roll off the tongue. Like poetry but nicer and simpler. And potentially less posh and snobby. What’s better than alliteration though? Stories. Well, not always, it depends on the story. A bad fan fiction about two characters who would normally hate each other somehow ending up screwing is always going to be horrible. And speaking of horrible, the holiday season just isn’t the right time for scary stories. No, I did that for Halloween. Actually, I did that twice.… [Continue Reading]

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