Medic

Medic, also known as Arkay, a former death god of a small pocket universe, is the chief editor and main writer of the Daily SPUF, producing most of this site's articles and also just randomly writing stuff.

I ought to write something about the Heavy Weapons Guy…

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Heavies love to eat, but they can sure hate sharing...
At least this Medic isn’t on fire…

I OUGHT to write something about Heavy. I really ought to. I mean, I’m Medic. If we go by stereotypes, I’m supposed to be attached to a Heavy all day, every day. I’m not though, because I value being a skilled healer with a hint of reputation.

The Heavy Weapons Guy though is the face of Team Fortress 2. He embodies the soul of the damn game. Silly and childish yet dangerous and deadly at the same time. Even more so when you run around a corner only to walk into a spun-up Heavy or find yourself in the middle of a Heavy Boxing Match. Okay, the latter isn’t very common, but it does happen…

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Geoff

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Scenarios with only one damage type are rare... Picture by Medic
Scenarios with only one damage type are rare… Picture by Medic

Sometimes, Geoff isn’t as good a name as it seems. Not because it’s not a good name, but because people go “WTF are you talking about?”, especially when I accidentally call a Vaccy Uber (or a Vuber or a Vaccination or whatever you want to call it) a Geofflette. Names based off an in-joke from a tiny group of people don’t always make for good names. Anyway, let’s talk about the Vaccinator.

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Wonderful Fall Crates…

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Yet more hats, really? Picture by Medic
Yet more hats, really? Picture by Medic

As everyone probably saw yesterday, the Fall Acorn and Gourd keys are now available to buy, to compliment the crates that started dropping not long ago. But what’s in these crates and is it worth it?

Well, the answer is always “no, it’s not worth it”, but oh well.

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I’m gonna whip your ass!

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Yaaaaaaargh!
Yaaaaaaargh!

Up until recently, every Soldier and his pet raccoon used the Escape Plan. And why shouldn’t they? Giving you a huge speed boost depending on how little health you have, the Escape Plan was basically a get out of jail free card. A tentative one, but one nonetheless. But in the big Move That Gear Up! update, the Escape Plan was nerfed. Using the Escape Plan now leaves you marked for death, making death even closer than usual. To many, this left a huge hole in their loadouts.

Now, it’s the Disciplinary Action’s time to shine!

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“That’s a lotta gun…”

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So, as some of you may have heard, Gunslingers VS Highlanders season 3 concluded the other day, after a hard struggle on both sides and a lot of mess and confusion. You probably read that post announcing the winners. If you didn’t, it was a tie. Four maps, one of which fatally crashed, with mini-sentries everywhere. Why am I writing about this when you’ve probably already heard about it? Well, I think you should know how it feels like, being on the Highlander side. As the team’s Medic.

Yeah, it’s horrible.

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Why you really, really should not be a Battle Medic.

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Picture by The Medic
Picture by The Medic

For everyone who plays Team Fortress 2 and is at least not a potato, it’s clear as day why Battle Medics are never a good idea. Although Medics have that little speed boost and regenerating health, their weaponry simply isn’t built for fighting. This, on top of a lack of heavy-class health and no true, reliable advanced mobility, is a recipe for disaster. Plus, it annoys your team mates, who are probably on fire right now.

But just how bad is a Medic’s weaponry when it comes to fighting? Let’s start with the basics. We’ll concentrate on primary weapons, because Medi Guns obviously can’t do damage, and melee weapons are, well, melee weapons. Only Demoknights and Pyros can really pull off melee-only combat, and even then, that’s due to unlocks. We’ll look at this by pitting an imaginary Battle Medic against the average Scout.

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The Solemn Vow – Saving Your Life At A Glance!

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Solve "The Mystery of Your Opponent's Remaining Hit Points" without even having to equip the "Eliminating the Impossible" set!
Solve “The Mystery of Your Opponent’s Remaining Hit Points” without even having to equip the Sherlock Medic set! Picture by Gen. DeGroot.

Most Medics I know run with the Ubersaw. That’s understandable, it’s a nice weapon. It looks good. It’s useful. It’s balanced. It’s fun to use. And if you see a dumb Spy or an AFK Sniper, you’ve just got yourself free Uber. The Ubersaw also has a fancy kill taunt. A while ago, it used to be silent, so you could hide around corners and catch people unaware with it, just like the Stab Stab Stab taunt.

Some other Medics use the Amputator. When the Medieval Medic set was around, it was a great weapon, but to be fair, no one really used it for the taunt heals. They just used it alongside the everglorious Crusader’s Crossbow to get that lovely regenerating health. These days, it’s about as useful as the Bone Saw.

Lame Medics though use the Vita-Saw. Most Medics seem to agree that the Vita-Saw isn’t exactly balanced, since it rewards Medics who die a lot, and it messes with the eternal question of who has Uber advantage. And it’s got a silly downside.

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