A Nostalgic Ramble – GaiaOnline

I like to think that I discovered the internet in 2007. This was the year that I had my own personal computer with an internet connection and was finally free of parental surveillance. The first thing I did was lurk across a bunch of sites, before joining BZPower under the name Phovos the Raptor. That was the start of my online life. I browsed a lot of sites. I discovered SPUF in 2009 but didn’t join until 2010, when I started playing Team Fortress 2 properly. I discovered a lot of places back then and didn’t join until later. One… [Continue Reading]

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The Return of zOMG!

The first MMO I ever played was a game called zOMG! which was available on Gaia Online. It was a game made in Flash, back in the days when it had just been taken over by Adobe. Those days, Flash was the big new thing and everyone loved it, you could do so much with it, until people realised that Flash and its media players were full of bugs and exploits, mostly thanks to its coding language, Actionscript. One such exploit was why zOMG! was originally shut down. Unceremoniously. Until it came back. You see, zOMG! was actually pretty popular.… [Continue Reading]

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Painted Weapons: A Sordid History

For 99.9999% of TF2 weapons, paint doesn’t enter the picture. You paint cosmetics, not weapons, because paint would absolutely destroy the ability to recognize weapons on sight, right? But what the hell, let’s just add it in by this point. There’s gotta be a way to make Decorated weapons paintable. After all, that remaining .0001% of weapons consists of an elite few weapons that have in one way or another been painted. The most famous of course are the painted Cow Manglers. Two Team Spirit and one Balaclavas are Forever, they all came into existence in 2011 during an extremely short… [Continue Reading]

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A Syringe Gun Update

On my birthday in 2014 we published an article talking about the lack of cosmetic love for the stock shotgun. Since then, Valve’s kicked it up a notch and actually given us both a festive shotgun and Decorated shotguns, so they’ve kinda redeemed themselves. (we really still need an Australium one though.) And that means that the Syringe Gun is now the only stock weapon that goes completely unloved by Valve’s texture artists. I can kinda understand why, since it’s an underpowered and unremarkable attempt at a self-defense weapon that every Medic ignores because at least one unlock (usually the… [Continue Reading]

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TF2 hasn’t gotten any promos in a long time…

Apparently 2014 really was the Year of the Promo. While at the time, it seemed to be just another step in the logical progression of Genuine cosmetics flooding our fair shooter as developers everywhere ticked another box in their marketing checklists to get people to play the latest game from <insert company here>, it appears that 2015 is not following in those footsteps and the flood of promos that assailed TF2’s filesize for the last few years has completely dried up. Not counting competitive TF2 tournament medals, the last Genuine-quality promotional items added to TF2 as a cross-franchise publicity perk… [Continue Reading]

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Of Ponies and Mercs: The Magical Mercenary

The Magical Mercenary. It seems a shame that I’m adopting this article after so damn long after the hat’s effectiveness has worn off, but it’s something worth discussing. Something different that doesn’t match with the game at all, while at the same time somehow fitting in no problem and being regarded as pointless for most of the year. But that’s what Full Moon restricted hats are for, right? The Magical Mercenary is clearly a parody of everyone’s favourite cartoon horse show. A pink pony hat. That’s paintable, so you can pretend to be the human mass murderer version of your… [Continue Reading]

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Cosmetics we should have had by now

There are a lot of hats in Team Fortress 2. A lot. That’s an understatement. There are so many hats that the Mann Co. catalogue is buckling underneath the weight of all the pages in it, describing every hat. Crafting your three refined can get you pretty much anything from a baseball cap to a mask to a rose on your chest to a cat in your pocket to, amazingly, nothing at all. Never really made sense that you can craft the hatless Scout, Sniper and Engineer hats. That being said, there’s always room for more hats. Well, I say… [Continue Reading]

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A Shotgun Update

I adore the Team Fortress 2 shotgun. Sturdy, reliable, and intuitive, it’s the only weapon shared by four different classes and until the BASE Jumper was added, the only weapon to occupy different slots on different classes. I consider the shotgun TF2’s tenth signature weapon due to its ubiquity and recognizability. There is a sort of elegance in the fact that Valve has never added any sort of reskin or retexture for the shotgun. Every player since 2007 who’s wanted to make use of its six-clip buckshot backup has used the same simple gun; no golden, festive or botkiller variants… [Continue Reading]

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An Attempt to Explain Metal

Keys risen up to eleven refined metal!  Oh Noes!  The price of keys relative to metal has risen rather steadily over the past couple of years or so.  Apparently every time the price goes up by a refined, someone has to make some sort of thread about it.  Honestly, I don’t really care that much, dealing with the traders is too much of a pain for me anyway.  Nonetheless, I will make an attempt to theorize what is going on in the market of metal as a currency. In standard macroeconomics there are a couple formulas used to estimate the… [Continue Reading]

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Poker Night At Teufort

Poker Night at the Inventory was a great game, wasn’t it? Well, I liked it. I never got around to winning the achievement items, because I lose concentration on a game really quickly if it isn’t Garry’s Mod these days, but it was fun. The best bit was the dialogue. The conversation the other players, in this case Max, Strong Bad, Heavy and whatshisname all chatting away, talking about their day to day lives, sometimes throwing in the odd joke or random bit of nonsense as they go along. Lovely, right? Unfortunately, I never got around to getting the second… [Continue Reading]

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