How to think like a spy: The Art of War from behind the cloak and dagger

Blades intro

Note: This applies less to playing the spy in small-sided competitive games, as there are different mechanics in play all together, this is a piece on the spy in regular format TF2 play.

Battle is not a concrete, straightforward thing. Many people believe that winning games is all about numbers; kills, deaths. Victory is not merely a body count. In TF2 you can fight battles all day long, and slay hundreds of enemy combatants, and unless that’s your explicit goal (such as in arena mode), they will always return to fight that same battle over the same point or the same target in the next wave of attack. Stalemate. Surely you’ve seen it, where one team is holed up in a defensible position, and the same situation repeats itself, übers are pushed away, advances mowed down by sentry fire, and enemies hammered by critical explosives, all to no avail. This is where the game needs to be changed. This is where we find our friend, the Spy. He doesn’t take the most names, he takes the right ones.

This is not strategy guide on the Spy’s gear, or the finite points of aim or twitch reflexes, but rather a series of observations and treatise on the thinking side of the spy, much of which is done subconsciously while you’re playing, and not really thought over save for what makes sense or what seems to be the best idea at the time, regardless of big-picture strategic value. Let’s explore the mind of a cold blooded killer.

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How to win Balloon Race

A while ago, I made a blog post about a popular derp map cp_orange_x3. I laid out a specific loadout that makes it quite easy to win.

Well, here’s another one! Balloon race is a popular game mode where teams race to capture points on a circular donut-shaped map with plenty of map obstacles in the way. Every point captured increases your balloon speed, and the balloon is (supposed to be) the only thing allowing you to continue forward on the map due to large pitfalls between checkpoints. It’s a shame there’s no class designed to fly incredible distances without losing all of his health.

Oh, wait, there is one. And its the exact same one that beat cp_orange_x3.

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Good Offensive Teleporter Spots on Payload maps

Boy oh boy do I love me some payload. At times I suspect it’s the most popular game mode in Team Fortress 2, probably because its asymmetrical nature keeps the battlefield fresh and changing, or because it always has the most visually exciting and dynamic map designs, or because it ends with a massive explosion.

Almost every payload comes with a particularly tough stretch. This is the hardest stretch for the attacking team, and usually pops up somewhere around the penultimate check point. It’s usually the longest stretch, and often the final stretch before the offensive spawn moves forward. All of these aspects are screaming “NEED A TELEPORTER HERE,” and everyone (including the defense) knows it. Here are some spots on popular payload maps that work brilliantly for you to stick your teleporter.

Each of these spots must fulfill three aspects: (1) They must be close enough to the final checkpoint so as to be useful to your teammates pushing the cart, (2) they must be moderately easy for you to defend, I’m thinking you should get at least 30 teleports in before anyone can kill you, (3) they must be hidden, to make #2 easier and just in general to keep enemies from knocking on your front door every five minutes.

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Some Tips on Sticky Jumping

Hey all! We’re having some issues with Blog.com, so I’m making this post short, because I may be having to make extensive changes to the entire blog. So I’m going to give some advice on proper sticky jumping. This assumes you have some experience sticky-jumping, and would like to learn some tricks I’ve found for unusual situations.

Picture by DigitaxF3AR.
Picture by DigitaxF3AR.

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The best pyro loadout in the game

Ah, pyro. Pyro pyro pyro. How SPUF can’t seem to make up its mind about you.

On one hand, even pyro mains think he needs a buff. His weapons are all incredibly close-range save the flare guns, his primary only seems good at inconveniencing the enemy, to the extent that the Degreaser is far more popular because it allows combos with afterburn (often touted as the only thing afterburn is good for.)

If it’s not that, its the ability to remove sappers from friendly buildings, or the ability to gain full health+crits with Phlog, or the ability to…basically do anything. If Soldier is TF2′s jack-of-all-trades, Pyro is its master-of-none.

So I’m here to end all that. The reason nobody thinks pyro is balanced…is because they aren’t using the right loadout. I present to you; the Degreaser-Manmelter-Sharpened Volcano Fragment-Jingle Belt.

Seriously. I’ve NEVER seen this loadout in years of TF2. Must be a well-kept secret.
Seriously. I’ve NEVER seen this loadout in years of TF2. Must be a well-kept secret.

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A guide to Shotgun Heavy

Shotgun Heavy, AKA “Fat Scout”, is a method of playing Heavy by attacking and killing enemies with only your secondary and melee weapons. Not a supremely easy (or even very effective) strategy, it is more for use in the mindset of not entirely caring or messing around. As such, if you are in a situation that you playing Shotgun Heavy is a pure detriment to your team and is causing your team to lose, don’t do it; more, reserve Shotgun Heavy for times when you’re on a team that is good enough to where you can essentially do whatever you want, or you are on a server specifically for messing around, such as any dm server, hightower, pubs, etc.
Picture by FeelGoodInc.
Picture by FeelGoodInc.

Why you should equip the High Five! taunt

The first time I equipped the High Five! I wasn’t doing it for a tactical benefit. I’m just a friendly guy who likes being able to interact with his teammates, and I enjoy offering a congratulatory High Five to my crit-boosted enemies during humiliation to distinguish the honorable opponents from the vengeance-thirsty hordes.

But after a significant amount of time using it I quickly realized that the taunt had some very nice perks in the game proper. Here are three reasons you should consider stashing that rage-inducing Schadenfreude for some situational bonuses.

:P
Not a particularly beneficial use to the High Five! but definitely one of the most satisfying. Picture by Gen. DeGroot

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How to Win cp_orange_x3

Now, in my last Demoman vs. Demoknights post, I neglected to mention my personal favorite of the two demoman playstyles. Do I prefer demolitons man, or demoknight, or maybe even hybrid?

None. My favorite demoman loadout revolves around the Sticky Jumper.

Picture by FeelGoodInc.
Picture by FeelGoodInc.

The Sticky Jumper is addicting. Unlike the Rocket Jumper, it requires zero skill to use effectively (as opposed to a little skill) and it lets you keep your powerful Grenade Launcher and melee of your choice. This means you are perfectly capable of filling a viable role on your team; you have the absolute best mobility of any class in the game, bar none. You can start capping the next point within seconds of the previous being capped. You can zip ahead, find the right spot, and rain explosive death down on the upcoming sentry nest. When all else fails you can fly over everyone’s heads, locate the enemy medic, and finish him off with an Ullapool Caber from nowhere.

How can I prove the Sticky Jumper is that good? Well, it’s the focal weapon of the only loadout I’ve found that makes it reliably possible to win cp_orange_x3.

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In Defense of Medieval Mode

Medieval Mode. You’ve heard of it. Sounds awesome. The Wiki page makes it look awesome. But is it awesome?

Picture by FeelGoodInc.
Picture by FeelGoodInc.


YES!

Ignore the haters, this mode is great. I can have a barrel of fun on cp_degrootkeep (and a lot of custom Medieval maps, but those are way harder to find people playing.) As almost any class.

Medieval Mode gets a lot of flak from most because it’s considered a “melee spamfest”, “void of all strategy” and “a horrific cluster♥♥♥♥ of arrows and demoknights.” And they may all have a point. But there are ways to play the game mode strategically and aid your team in winning the round on a consistent basis.

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