A Spy Mission on Europa

Volt made sure everything was dead before he hacked the console to open the door. He needed to go deeper into this horrible wreckage, deeper into the remains of massive Corpus ship that had crashed into an Infested breeding ground. Why? Because there was some useful data on three consoles somewhere which the Tenno Council really needed right now, and there was a massive Void fissure that needed closing. Volt and three other, somewhat random Tenno, had decided to accept this mission. Or, at least, Volt assumed the Tenno Council needed it. Clearly the Lotus didn’t. She seemed to be… [Continue Reading]

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Why Spy?

I don’t usually play Spy. Not that I hate playing Spy, I just don’t get much chances to play him. I mean, the scenario where having one more Spy is fine is something that will only happen once every twenty matches. The scenario where having another Spy is necessary? About as often as the Golden Frying Pan dropping.. And when I realized “hey we need another Spy”, by the time I got to switch to Spy I would already have three more Spies in my team. Still, at the rare moments that I get to play Spy, it was awesome.… [Continue Reading]

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Balance Changes – TF2 Blog Post 20-06-2017

Oh my fucking Bahrag, there’s a Team Fortress 2 update and it’s a balance update rather than yet another fucking crate and key update. Oh my god what’s happening? Is this reality? Is this Valve putting the space left over from SPUF’s destruction to good use? Of course not. It’s a bunch of insane, crazy changes. But at least Valve are saying WHY these changes are being made. A lot of the changes seem to be nerfs, particularly the Scout items. Seriously, these changes are all fucking insane. Yes, the Dangershield is getting nerfed, but holy fuck now it has… [Continue Reading]

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Scarecrow

One of my most favourite Spy cosmetics, the Scarecrow, came out during the 2012 Halloween update. It turns the Spy’s head into a voodoo doll head. What I love about this is just how unsettling this looks. The button eyes with some of the stuffing poking out from the back of the buttons, the stitches across the mouth, the seams and patches on the Spy’s head (or rather, his balaclava), it just gives that uncanny valley vibe to the Spy. And it also reminds me of Coraline. Must be the eyes. To be honest, I’m not entirely sure at first… [Continue Reading]

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Yooka-Stealthay

Spy Chameleon – RGB Agent is an arcade-y puzzle game that has you playing as a sly chameleon shifting your colour in order to slip undetected through the environment to the finish line. Of course, this starts off very simple with the bare basics as you can see below, but it quickly bares its teeth with its difficulty. There are checkpoints scattered around the longer levels but some people still found the game irritating, fortunately the devs listened and threw in an easy mode. Easy replaced “normal” and normal became “hard” mode for those who enjoyed the “skin of your… [Continue Reading]

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The Sneaky Spats of Sneaking for Sneaky Sneaks

The Sneaky Spats of Sneaking slipped into the TF2 universe on the slick shoes of the Spy on seventeenth May 2012. Spats are traditionally used to protect shoes from mud and water, so this supposedly allows a sly Spy to slither among the ranks of enemies through harsh terrain with nary a scratch on the smooth leather. The slippery rogue will have an untarnished pair of shoes fit for the dance floor after a frenzy of stabs and slashes when he swings by the nightclub later that evening, The Slippery Spats of Slipping is a layer of white leather over… [Continue Reading]

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Team Fortress Comics #6 is out!

It’s only been forever (okay, nearly a year and a half) since the last issue, but woo boy, this one is a biggie! And by biggie, I mean it both in actual size and in content. Issue 6 comes in at a lovely 270-something individual panels and a LOT of new lore, as well as an ending that makes you want more but also makes you willing to wait for two and three quarter years for issue 7. Before we start, be warned, there are spoilers ahead. Although this is just an overview, so I won’t be discussing every detail… [Continue Reading]

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Spy’s Alcove

Spy tutted as he flicked through Mannly Hats Quarterly. It was a Smissmas special edition issue, but it was the same old common nonsense. Ugly, crumpled top hats, ugly, stupid bandannas, ugly, horrific hats made out of scrap metal, ugly, pointless banana hats… Worse, half of this edition consisted of ugly Smissmas decorations. All tasteless and poor and pathetic. Throwing the magazine down, Spy decided to get himself a drink. He had half a bottle of fine red wine, stashed away in a hidden compartment of the chair he was sitting in. There were little hidden compartments everywhere, all containing… [Continue Reading]

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The Meet your Match Update is here – Early Thoughts

The Meet your Match update has shipped, after apparently holding off for a bit as to not disturb a major ETF2L match, which is nice of them. Honestly though, I’m not sure what to say. I suppose I’m happy that we’re getting an update, and that we’ll be getting more updates in the future. Of course we got new taunts. The TF2 youtube channel had them uploaded but private for ages. Taunts are basically the new hats, but better because they don’t fuck with the art style in any way. Of course we got crates. The keyless crates are interesting.… [Continue Reading]

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Little-Known TF2 Mechanics

In order to make this list, said TF2 mechanic needs to (1) heavily affect some aspect of playing the game normally, (2) be completely unexplained or hidden, and (3) be something I somehow only learned in 2016 despite my pathological addiction to analyzing every facet of this game. I’ve divided the list into three “major” and three “minor” mechanics. Major 1: Projectile Models on some weapons affect aerodynamics. Several of the projectiles in TF2 actually care about the drag on the fired projectile, which means that, for example, most of the grenade launchers fire even more differently than their stats… [Continue Reading]

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