Now for Something Completely Different

Random articles that don’t really fit in the realms of gaming but are here anyway.

Yeah, I know Volt, that really does sound like a stupid system. What if a Grineer guy needs to get in?
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Hello 2017!

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Oh look! It’s 2017! 2016 has finally buggered off! Yay! Confetti! Balloons! Celebrations! People walking home all tired and drunk because they stayed up too late last night! Even more people sleeping in because of late night partying! And a bunch of people just living out their lives and not caring. I’m in the latter group. I’m a boring person who doesn’t smoke, drink, take drugs, gamble or do anything interesting. The biggest risk I’ve made recently was charging my laptop for five minutes at 9pm so I could finish a mission and I managed to lose. Hence why I’m… [Continue Reading]

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Woof

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On Monday the 26th at about 10pm, Colin bashed on the patio door, whining and whimpering. He had been missing for ten days, was cold and scared and absolutely filthy. I was asleep at the time because I was ill and jumped out of my skin as the parents screamed with glee. After a warm bath (which he hated), a bowl of dog food and some running around all excitedly remembering who everyone was, Colin curled up into a ball and fell asleep. We’d been looking and calling for Colin for days. We went around the five nearby villages searching… [Continue Reading]

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Spy’s Alcove

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Spy tutted as he flicked through Mannly Hats Quarterly. It was a Smissmas special edition issue, but it was the same old common nonsense. Ugly, crumpled top hats, ugly, stupid bandannas, ugly, horrific hats made out of scrap metal, ugly, pointless banana hats… Worse, half of this edition consisted of ugly Smissmas decorations. All tasteless and poor and pathetic. Throwing the magazine down, Spy decided to get himself a drink. He had half a bottle of fine red wine, stashed away in a hidden compartment of the chair he was sitting in. There were little hidden compartments everywhere, all containing… [Continue Reading]

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Power Pissing Contest

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“Hey kid!” Frost grinned as he slapped the young Volt on the back. “Yellow, black and grey? Unusual colour combination. Did Ordis tell you his sensors were bleeding when you equipped that?” The Volt, who was holding a mod he’d just picked up, trying to work out whether it was useful, blinked. Or, at least, his inexperienced operator did. “W-we can talk to each other?” “Um, yes, of course we can talk!” the overly friendly, trench coat-wearing Warframe continued to grin. Unlike Volt, he was wearing his best primed syandana, a word Volt could barely pronounce, and a fancy helmet… [Continue Reading]

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A Bored Little Volt

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Readers, let me know if you fancy seeing any more stories around here, fan fiction, whatever. Also feel free to let me know if you don’t want to see new Warframe articles. Volt was bored. He had been lounging around inside his Orbiter for several hours now, waiting for things to happen. Great things he had been told. Mysterious things. New things to do. It wasn’t like Volt didn’t have things to do. He still had plenty of missions building up from across the Origin System, particularly on Jupiter, Europa and Pluto, but they were boring missions, mostly tedious missions… [Continue Reading]

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Basic Minecraft Survival Tips

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Minecraft is a pretty old game, but even though I’ve been playing since alpha, I don’t remember everything. Then again, I am the sort of person who doesn’t really play to end game, I play just to survive. Really, the end game doesn’t have much in it anyway. In doing so, I’ve developed a few tricks that I use to do just that. Of course I always eventually settle down and build a shitty house, I’d like to find some diamonds eventually, but for me, it’s the journey that counts. Your First Days First things first, you need to get… [Continue Reading]

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Eat at Panda Express Today and Get a Chork!

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Today is General Tso’s birthday, and to honor that fact Panda Express is giving away a free chork with every purchase! While chopstick-forks have appeared in culinary history before today, Panda will be the first chain to introduce them to the mainstream audience, and their marketing tools insist they ‘invented’ it so presumably they’re using something of a new model. In a statement to First We Feast, Panda explained their rationale for the new silverware: “Chorks were introduced to the public during the launch of the dish yesterday. The tool is a perfect way to illustrate the mashup of American and… [Continue Reading]

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Congratulations America for being retarded!

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Congratulations, America. You’ve gone full Brexit on us. And I’m laughing at you. Hehe. Every country, every expert, every sane person you had told you otherwise but you didn’t listen. With Republicans controlling pretty much all of your government now, you can enjoy seeing them repeal everything Obama did, mostly out of spite. Oh and you’ll probably see a recession as well because that’s when most recessions occur – during Republican control. Let’s hope you don’t end up going backwards rather than forwards. Well, I say you, I mean the population who voted for the guy who can’t even handle… [Continue Reading]

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Featured Now for Something Completely Different The SPUF of Legend 

The Sensible SPUFer

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“Come on, Medic, it’ll be fun!” aabicus tried to convince the busy doctor. “Everyone’s going out trick or treating! Why won’t you?” Medic had been ignoring the gaggle of SPUFers behind him for about an hour now and they still hadn’t got the hint. He was still having flashbacks to last Halloween, when he let his brother borrow his lab coat and an old, broken medi-pack, and won a costume contest. Everyone called him a Ghostbuster. Meanwhile, no one had recognized Medic, wearing a grey suit and a paper mask, and he’d spent the evening protecting his sister from a… [Continue Reading]

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Just so you know, Titania is the little one.
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Titania’s Peril

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Yes, this is a story. Yes, I wrote a bit of Warframe fan-fiction. Yes, I am aware of the events on Lua, and of the existence of super powerful teenagers. Yes, I also choose to ignore that because, while it’s cool, it sounds far less fun in a game-play sense. Although it does explain why a person’s Warframes don’t seem to die, they just… respawn back on their ship. Anyway, let’s get on with this. Titania’s Peril Burning smoke would have filled their lungs, if they had any to speak of. Eruptions of electronics, broken equipment and exploding gases blew… [Continue Reading]

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