Optimizing Your Panda Express Strategy

Everybody has a vice, and mine is Panda Express. Their orange chicken is impossibly delicious and definitely my favorite food on this planet. Thank god I move so often and never seem to be anywhere near one, otherwise I’d be eating there all the time. The Panda Express at my old college campus was a place of many memories for me. It was where I first met my future wife in a study group for Dinosaurs class. I was its mayor on FourSquare before FourSquare revamped its mayorship system and made it stupid and pointless. I was there for all… [Continue Reading]

Read more

Landfall: The Newest CTF Map

The new maps in Tough Break feel super generic, but they’re at least very well made. And after the oddity of themes like aliens, halloween and PASS Time, maybe its good for TF2 to take a step back and support some tried-and-true game modes with new gimmick-free maps. Nevertheless I’m surprised to find myself liking ctf_landfall as much as I do. It’s Capture the Flag after all, a legendarily poorly-designed game mode. But somehow, Landfall does a really good job of balancing the concept and avoiding perpetual stalemates. The map has a wonderful three-dimensional design with two designated layers of… [Continue Reading]

Read more

My Favorite Gun in Various Horde Games (That Nobody Uses)

Maybe it’s just due to my desire to step outside of my comfort zone, but for some reason I often find myself gravitating toward guns that don’t fit the established meta of multiplayer games. Games like the ones on this list aren’t exactly well-known for their weapon customization and yet in each case my favorite gun turns out to be something customized in a way that makes it completely unused by the majority of players. So I thought I’d take a moment to argue a case for my favorite guns in some popular horde mode games on Steam. 1. The laser-sighted silenced… [Continue Reading]

Read more

On Hype

Gamers have a love/hate relationship with hype. It fuels our soul, keeps us looking to the future and fills our minds with the tantalizing possibilities foreshadowed by either a PR Department or just the words of our online comrades. Sometimes the final product fizzles in the sun, sometimes it handles itself well enough but doesn’t meet hype, and on rare occasion it can exceed everyone’s expectations. But is too much hype a good thing? From a developer’s perspective, it makes sense to try and drum up as much excitement over a product as possible. Your goal is to get people… [Continue Reading]

Read more

On Pre-Match Paralysis

The Pre-Match freeze is something that every TF2 player has experienced, something that you encounter every single match you play, and something that’s been in the game from the very beginning. And yet I think it may be one of the least-discussed facets of the game. I know I thought about making an article on it twice in the past two years and both times abandoned the notion due to lack of content. Why does it happen? When I first wondered about it, I wasn’t even sure if it was intentional. Maybe the map’s loading, or something in the background has… [Continue Reading]

Read more

The Gun that Made a Jarate Master Out of Sniper

It was a bizarre trail that led me to picking up the Sydney Sleeper again for the first time in years. First this reddit thread reminded me of my single favorite experience as a TF2 viewer; following STAR_’s team through the 2013 Charity Mixup tournament. Every teammate except STAR_ had never played TF2 before, and through skirmishes and close calls they honed their teamwork and somehow reached the finals to take on Team Mixup with TF2 creator Robin Walker. STAR_’s star performance as a sniper was so inspiring that (exactly like when I first saw it) I immediately switched to maining Sniper and jumped… [Continue Reading]

Read more

Less Sure About Gun Mettle Changes as Time Goes On

I’ve never exactly had a positive relationship with the new CSGO-style weapon skins in TF2, but at best my opinion was neutral. They weren’t exactly hurting anything, and they were strictly cosmetic. I also supported the new weapon pickup mechanic, as I describe in this article. But as I play more TF2, mainly because my Christmas desktop is badass enough to allow me to do so on high settings, I’m finding that both of these mechanics are annoying me far more than they’re endearing themselves. The new skins are really bothering my weapon recognition. Now, at the moment you can… [Continue Reading]

Read more

The Ullapool got Cabered

So I was playing on sd_doomsday, as I am wont to do, attempting to revitalize my old Sticky Jumper spark. For a weapon that hasn’t changed, it’s amazing how different it feels having to play with the new roster of available melee weapons. ‘Head Launcher‘ my beloved Persian Persuader is still deceased and all of the swords have become less attractive with the new draw times. My other favorite the Scotsman’s Skullcutter is still too slow and sets my teeth gnashing every time I die because my Demoman was taking his sweet time switching to it. When you’re switching to your… [Continue Reading]

Read more

The Only Weapon Removed From TF2

I know I already wrote an article on this, but the Persian Persuader has become the first weapon removed from Team Fortress 2. I’ve searched my memory banks and the TF2 Wiki and I’m almost positive the Tough Break Persian Persuader is the first weapon ever to have every single one of its stats removed and replaced with new ones. (I’m not counting the generic sword stats that every bladed Demoknight melee shares, those are inherent in the classification.) For comparison, we went from this: +100% increase in charge recharge rate All ammo collected becomes health Cannot pick up ammo To… [Continue Reading]

Read more

An Advice Article for Academic Aptitude

Recently Medic created a new column called “And Now For Something Completely Different”, and I thought I’d throw my hat into that arena by writing an article composed mainly of tips I gave my brother after making through the American school system. Don’t worry though, this advice is pretty universal and basically deals with tricks I learned to improve my grades in school while putting in as little actual work as possible. 1. If you’re allowed to, take important tests multiple times. I’m talking mainly about aptitude tests where higher scores will look better when you try to attract schools… [Continue Reading]

Read more