Note: The following story is set in the past, back when Sniper’s foster parental units were still alive and kicking and living in a nice house in the middle of nowhere with a purple dog and a talking computer. Then that TF2 comic happened and everything changed. But this story still makes sense as long as you set it before the time the TF2 comics are set in.
Medic
Poker Night At Teufort
Poker Night at the Inventory was a great game, wasn’t it? Well, I liked it. I never got around to winning the achievement items, because I lose concentration on a game really quickly if it isn’t Garry’s Mod these days, but it was fun. The best bit was the dialogue. The conversation the other players, in this case Max, Strong Bad, Heavy and whatshisname all chatting away, talking about their day to day lives, sometimes throwing in the odd joke or random bit of nonsense as they go along. Lovely, right? Unfortunately, I never got around to getting the second… [Continue Reading]
500th Article Contest Winners!
Welp, the contest finished with a poof rather than a bang, but that’s alright since there are prizes waiting to be given away! And trust me, these prizes won’t stand still. They’ve got a life of their own. What were the prizes again? Let’s recap: Third Prize – 1 Decal Tool, 1 Strange Revolver, 1 picture of your favourite load out done in Garry’s Mod. Second Prize – 1 Tour of Duty Ticket, 1 Strange Medi Gun, 1 picture of your favourite load out done in Garry’s Mod, 1 fan fiction of your choice written by me. First Prize – 1… [Continue Reading]
Why Slows Are Horrible
Pew! Off went my purple splat of slowness. I aimed it perfectly, right between the minions, splitting the purple splat at just the right moment to catch the enemy Ryze. The splat landed, Ryze was slowed and my team mate scooped up the kill. “Nice work, Vel’Koz!” my team mate smiled. Now, slows are really common in a lot of games, particularly MOBAs. And Skyrim, since everyone up north has a frost spell or three. But here in Team Fortress 2, the only slows we have are all hated. Scum of the earth. We scream and swear because of them.… [Continue Reading]
Haunted items no longer make sense!
Haunted is one of the many item qualities in Team Fortress 2. Its hexadecimal colour (or web colour if you prefer) is #38F3AB or R:56 G:243 B:171 if RGB colours are more of your thing. If you prefer CMYK, the values are C:77 M:0 Y:29.6 K:4.7. No, I will not go and find you a closest Pantone colour. Anyway, no matter what colour numbers Haunted has, its reason to exist has lost its way. Originally, the Haunted quality was used on a bunch of cosmetic items, from the 2011 Very Scary Halloween event on Eye-a-duct. Most gifts that spawned appeared on the main… [Continue Reading]
Dead in the Water
I feel sorry for Sniper. You never thought you’d see me write that, but it’s true. I genuinely feel sorry for Sniper. I pity the poor guy. His life has been one mistake after another. He must be feeling like shit right now, especially with those gunshot wounds. Poor bugger. Let’s have a quick recap as to what’s happened to Sniper as of late. He fought a bread monster. That wasn’t too bad. Stupid thing stole his rifle but he got that back. Discovered that he has some musical talent too. Didn’t get a single line in that short, but… [Continue Reading]
Scream Fortress 6 is here!
Yep, Scream Fortress is here! And it’s really bloody insane. There’s spells! And curses! And Carnival stuff! And BUMPER CARTS! Yeah, seriously. Alright, first things first, the basics. Merasmus forgot to build his evil carnival on top of an ancient burial ground and is now hiring you to do that for him. Said carnival is actually a variant of SD_Doomsday. You get the tickets (not the Australium) to the giant lift and then you get sent to a bumper carts minigame. That’s pretty much it. Actually, it’s not, but we’ve got a ton of articles coming up about all this!… [Continue Reading]
We all need to cheer the fuck up.
Right now, SPUF is just one giant cesspool of sadness, Sticky Launcher/Gunslinger complaints and general misery. Fun threads get drowned out by the shouting and the screaming and the crying and the whinging. Stupid posts rum rampant. Duplicates of the same threads with the same old crap in them run even more rampant. Close your eyes and randomly point at a thread on the main screen and chances are, assuming your finger landed on a thread and didn’t miss your monitor completely (or worse, you pointed too hard and broke your monitor) you’ll land on a complaint thread about something… [Continue Reading]
I don’t actually like the Demoman.
The Demoman is by far the most dangerous class around. Unless you’re doing something really, really stupid, if you have a brain and basic game sense, you’ll do well. A bit like the Heavy. But unlike the Heavy, you’re not restricted to only using a minigun (because, no matter how much you try, Fat Scout is not an effective subclass) and you move at faster than a snail. If you know how to sticky jump, the world is your death-filled oyster. You basically rule. Alright, not exactly, in the pro scene, a Demoman needs protecting just like a Medic, but… [Continue Reading]
Fancy Halloween Cosmetics
Halloween updates are generally fairly predictable. New map, random gifts, possibly a crate, fun new gimmick and some creepy costumes. You’re almost guaranteed that Pyro will get a cool monster-like outfit, or he’ll become a ghost or something like that. Either way, Pyro almost always gets the best Halloween costumes. Sniper generally has to make do with a Vampire Hunter look and Medic gets the “crazy evil Dr Frankenstein” as always. It’s either that or being an Egyptian Pharaoh. Engineer generally gets fuck all in the Halloween department, apart from being a really annoying fly boy that only works if you have… [Continue Reading]