“Get Autobalanced,” ft. the Lonely Skybox

Lock eyes from across the room Down my Bonk! while the rockets boom Strafe your shots and hug your face So your own sentry kills you in my place Make my way through the enemy lines When a revved-up heavy I suddenly find Move in close, let the baseball fly My scattergun fires and the angels cry Leave your base go back to mine Intel papers fluttering behind The winning cap’s what I’ve got instore Gloat over chat that I want some more And I GET AUTOBALANCED I really don’t get how that pyro was there I passed four of… [Continue Reading]

“L’ingénieur est un espion!”

Don’t turn invisible and think you’re invincible: they’re completely different words. Don’t go running after the person you’re disguised as. Don’t try to backstab somebody in the front or while surrounded by a dozen other enemies. Don’t kill an Engineer if he has an operational Sentry nearby. Don’t think you can replace a Heavy and destroy the other team with L’étranger. Basic advice for budding Spies, wouldn’t you think? But like that Sniper who tries to shoot through glass, there doesn’t seem any end to the ignorance of newbie Spies. Now if you’re new to TF2 and you like the… [Continue Reading]

The 400th Article, now with added prizes!

“So what do you have planned for this 400th article?” Since this is our 400th article, let’s have a look at some random stuff! There’s also a contest further down, so don’t go away! As of writing, we have had over 100,000 views, with over 100 comments. Not a lot of comments, but comments aren’t that great anyway. Most people comment in our SPUF thread instead. Most views in one day was 852, on the 28th of April 2014. The article published that day was “Demoknight, thou shalt not increase thy turn radius” by Aabicus. Most referrals to this site come… [Continue Reading]

How The Original Saved My Life

For the longest of times, I used to shy away from Soldier. I used to shy away from all non-Medic classes, only occasionally stepping out to play Pyro or, even more rarely, Engineer, because I felt that I was otherwise not contributing to my team. Keeping X alive is just as good as killing Y, right? Not really, if Y has just killed A, B, C and Z. My decision in maining Soldier was nothing more than me desperately needing to play a high damage, high health class because no one else on my team could be bothered. Only problem… [Continue Reading]

Dear VALVe: Please Don’t Add Low Gravity to Any Official Map

One of the most worrisome requests I’m seeing from numerous people is for Valve to add low gravity in some form to rd_asteroid. I understand that it would be thematically appropriate, but I’ve played on lowgrav servers and it screws with class balance in all the wrong ways. Before requesting lowgrav, I highly encourage you to go try out a lowgrav trade server just so you get a feel of what lowgrav does to a playstyle. Scout in particular becomes downright infuriating to play. His dodging/strafing ability becomes crippled when every time his feet leave the ground he blimps slowly… [Continue Reading]

Rancho Story

I’ve never felt such an asshole. I wanted to buy a particular set for Engy today, the fat guy stuff. So I checked out TF2op and found the items I wanted at reasonable prices and added the people or sent trade offers and every single one of them were offline. Now I understand that trade offers are great when you can wait but I’m a ‘right now’ type of guy and was getting more and more frustrated as time went on and finally I had the 3 pieces and went in search of the Rancho Relaxo taunt (because you can’t… [Continue Reading]

Why Medic should be the Second Introductory Class for TF2

Imagine that you’re a first time player. You’ve spent a while downloading the game, or downloading updates and converting to Steam Pipe if you used a CD, and you’re looking forward to seeing what all the fuss is about. As the game loads and you reach the main menu, you’re rather confused. Thankfully, a little notice pops up, suggesting that you play the tutorial. The first tutorial and the only one available when you first start the game is Soldier. There are tutorials for Demoman, Engineer and Spy too, that unlock one at a time as you complete them. The… [Continue Reading]

Four Things You Can’t Do With The Crusader’s Crossbow

The Crusader’s Crossbow is an extremely versatile weapon. It’s one of my favorite in the game because of the potential applications it introduces to the Medic playstyle. It’s also one of the most adjusted weapons in Team Fortress 2; its patch history is long and checkered with changes and alterations, for better or for worse. Under the guise of this confusing title, I thought we could go back into the history of this weapon and look at some things it has lost over the years. 1. You can’t shoot arrows with it. When first added to the game, the Crusader’s… [Continue Reading]

Some Under-loved Weapons Which Shine on rd_asteroid

When I first played rd_asteroid, my eventual thoughts were…meh. It’s decent, but before I really understood the map and the game mode it was confusing to the point of frustration. And once I’d played it long enough that it was no longer confusing, its many flaws just seemed to hamper my ability to enjoy myself. A whole lot of classes seem underpowered on this map and several design choices (especially the plethora of overly-good sentry spots) only make it worse. But the more I played, the more I slowly realized that a number of my problems were due to my… [Continue Reading]

What Use Are Friendly Disguises?

That above question has bugged me for years. Why would you disguise as something that does nothing but inspire the enemy to shoot you? I knew there must be a reason to it, else Valve wouldn’t have added it, but serious thought only produced “trigger Dead Ringer while looking like something else, so they don’t keep spychecking after that.” Which is a decent use (and clearly intended by Valve, as the fallen corpse will remain that of a non-spy enemy) but were there any more? Turns out that, after speaking to some spy friends of mine, the answer is yes.… [Continue Reading]